Posted by author Lisa Earle McLeod (www.TriangleofTruth.com)
Either/or thinking is the bane of human existence. Whether it’s business, politics or relationships, either/or thinking dumbs down pretty much everything.
Whether it’s an interdepartmental turf war or a marital debate about the best way to load the dishwasher, the moment we descend into an either/or, I’m-right-so-you-must-be-wrong-mindset, is very the moment we lose the opportunity to create anything better than what we’ve already got.
Either/or thinking is easy to spot in others. Who hasn’t been frustrated by a black/white thinker who refuses to see any perspective except his own?
Yet many of us fall into the either/or trap ourselves, without even realizing it. Like when we believe that the boss must either side with us or with our crazy co-worker who doesn’t understand the big picture. Or when we assume that we have to choose between being a good parent or being a good provider, or that our lives can be organized around either love or money.
Instead of thinking in terms of either/or, we’d be better off if we could embrace AND.
F. Scott Fitzgerald once said, “The test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.”
Mary Kay did it when she combined selling and nurturing to create a cosmetics empire.
Apple does it when they combine creativity with discipline to out-innovate everyone else in the world.
And our Founding Fathers combined the seemingly competing ideals of freedom and responsibility to forge a bold new nation.
The ability to assimilate conflicting ideas has been the invisible underpinning behind some of the greatest advances of all time. In the abstract, most of us would agree that bringing conflicting perspectives can create a better whole. But what sounds good in theory isn’t always easy to practice.
That’s why I wrote a book about it, The Triangle of Truth -- to present strategies for dealing with the either/or thinkers of the world, and how to harness the power of AND in conflicts great and small.
The Triangle of Truth is a model that draws on wisdom from the past, and points us in a new direction for the future. Because, you see, our differences aren’t really the problem; it’s our inability to manage them. Conflict can actually be a catalyst for creativity.
There are three basic responses to conflict:
Stalemate - Either/or thinking 101. Both sides believe they’re right, nobody gives and inch and nothing gets done. (Sound familiar?)
Compromise – A kinder, gentler approach, but it’s really just either/or thinking in disguise, because it’s predicated on the belief that we can’t have both ideals, so we have to whittle away at them. Compromise isn’t sustainable over the long haul because it waters down our best ideas and it breeds resentment and contempt (as anyone who’s been forced to compromise will attest).
Innovation - The Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Mary Kay, Apple model in which leaders say, “We’re not going to choose between our ideals, we’re going to combine them, and we’re going to create something amazing.
The Triangle of Truth model is simple, but it’s not easy. Yet for people and organizations who are willing to wade through the messy process of assimilating seemingly conflicting perspectives, the sky’s the limit.
Conflict doesn’t have to hold us back. If we learn to manage it, conflict itself can challenge us to achieve greatness.
Lisa Earle McLeod is an nationally syndicated newspaper columnist, business consultant and inspirational thought-leader.
The Triangle of Truth is on sale now.
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