Posted by Diana Mercer, JD
When my publisher and I were discussing the best time to publish Making Divorce Work, I pointed out that the busiest months for divorce are November and December. Sure, plenty of troubled couples power through Halloween to New Year’s Day, but even more file for divorce as the holidays approach.
It is a curious phenomenon since one would expect that people would wait until the post-holiday time when all the world is making resolutions for the New Year and everybody’s thinking about pushing the reset button on their lives – including getting out of a crumbling relationship.
While the divorce decision may come as a shock to friends, family, or even a spouse, statistically the partner who initiates the divorce has been thinking seriously about it for an entire year. And with the impending holidays—and all the attendant stress for the spouse who initiates the proceedings—the idea of having to survive another six weeks keeping the secret that they’re unhappy in a marriage becomes intolerable. As a result, they file for divorce or separation in November or December, vowing to make a clean start in the new year. No more procrastinating.
For many people the timing may be an emotionally charged decision, but as I counsel all my clients, I hope it will be the last one in the whole process.
As a divorce professional, I try to prepare myself to handle the influx of pre-holiday business with the same patient and thoughtful service my clients expect in February and June. Almost every year I mediate a holiday custody dispute on December 24. I also work almost every New Year’s Eve. While simply closing the office and making people work it out themselves would be easier, the idea that a child’s Christmas will be ruined by fighting parents is just too heartbreaking.
So if divorce is a gift that you’re giving this year—or one that you find yourself receiving—it’s worth it to keep the holidays as peaceful as possible for your children, your family, and for yourself.
Diana Mercer is a family law mediator and founder of Peace Talks Mediation Services in Los Angeles and a regular contributor to Huffington Post Divorce. She is the co-author of Making Divorce Work: 8 Essential Keys to Resolving Conflict and Rebuilding Your Life.
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