Posted by Maria Gagliano
All this talk about Prince William and Kate Middleton’s Royal Wedding made me realize that my own one-year wedding anniversary is just a week away. I don’t know how things work in the Royal Family, but around these middle-class parts, we write our own thank-you notes in appreciation of our guests’ thoughtfulness and good wishes. I can only wonder whether Will and Kate will be hand-writing their own cards, or if their royal situation allows them the luxury of a little help (based on this guest list, they have a lot of writing to do!).
Etiquette expert Emily Post says you have three months to send a thank-you note after a wedding gift is received. Whether they have help or plan to write notes themselves, I can only hope that Will and Kate don’t let their first year of marriage fly by as quickly as I did. Yes, 51 weeks after my wedding, I still have a solid stack of thank-you notes collecting dust on my desk. Every weekend I promise I’ll finish them and every weekend the layer of dust thickens. It’s not that I’m not thankful to everyone who came to our wedding. I felt so incredibly blessed and grateful! I can’t explain how the days and weeks and months (and year?!) pass. I’m more than a little embarrassed.
So, Will, Kate, in an effort to keep you from treading down the dark and unintentionally tasteless path that I did, I’m sending you some sage advice from our veteran etiquette expert, Rosalie Maggio. Her book, How to Say It, offers tips on what to say (and yes, how to say it) in any situation, from business letters to thank-you notes. Take her advice, and you’ll remain as classy as only a member of the royal family could be:
How to Say It When Writing Thank-You Notes:
- Describe in some detail what you are grateful for (not just “the lovely gift” or “the nice present”).
- Express your gratitude in an enthusiastic, appreciative way.
- Elaborate on your appreciation. Tell how useful or appropriate it is, how you plan to use it, where you have placed it, or how it enhanced your life, home, etc. Be specific about what pleased you.
- Close with one or two sentences unrelated to the object of your gratitude (expressing affection, promising to see the person soon, sending greetings to family members, saying something nice about the donor).
How NOT to Say It When Writing Thank-You Notes:
- Don’t dilute your thanks by including news, information, questions, and comments; save them for another time.
- When you receive duplicate gifts, don’t mention this to the givers.
- Don’t mention the amount of a monetary gift. Instead, speak of the giver’s kindness, generosity, or, perhaps, extravagance.
- “Never express more than you feel” is a good guideline, especially in thank-you letters, where we try to make up in verbiage what we lack in enthusiasm. A simple “thank you” is effective.
How to Say It by Rosalie Maggio
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