Posted by Linda Lombardi, author of Animals Behaving Badly
Reporting on the truth about our fellow creatures is a lonely job. Despite my best efforts to expose their bad habits and character flaws, they still seem to get nothing but good press. One day, yet another book about a puppy hits the best-seller list. The next, another cute animal photo goes viral. And last week, we had a story by the Associated Press about gift-buying plans for the holiday season.
The article contained the results of a poll revealing that pet owners have budgeted an average of $46 for gifts for their pets—more than the average $41 they reported spending last year. Yes, unemployment is at nine percent and governments everywhere are cutting basic services, but if you’re a dog or a cat, don’t worry. The odds are good that you’ll find even more in your Christmas stocking this year than last.
I admit that I’m as guilty of this sort of thing as anyone. My cats get hairball-medicine treats that cost as much per pound as Kobe beef. My pugs dine on kibble made of locally sourced free-range chicken and wild-caught fish, and go on vacation with me to nice hotels. They certainly do get Christmas presents, and homemade birthday cakes, too.
What have our pets done to deserve this kind of treatment? Sure, they’re cute and cuddly. But did you know that over 86,000 Americans end up in the emergency room each year because a pet caused them to fall? Or that pets start about a thousand house fires a year?
And you may believe that you’re doing all these nice things for your sweet furbabies of your own free will when, in fact, these creatures are manipulating us at a completely unconscious level. Those puppy-dog eyes trigger the same neurotransmitter involved in pair-bonding with your mate and maternal behavior toward your offspring. And cats use a special combination meow-purr to demand service that’s acoustically similar to the cry of a human infant, a sound that we’ve evolved over millennia to respond to without fail.
So let’s get a grip on ourselves, people. Times are tough. Spending going UP on presents for our pets makes no sense, because even leaving aside whether they deserve it, they’d be just as happy with stuff that costs nothing. Let your pet’s worst qualities work in your favor for a change. Cats, for instance, may be beautiful, but they’re no geniuses: Their tiny brains can get hours of entertainment out of an empty box or paper bag. Just give them what the human presents came in and their holiday fun is all set, at no extra cost.
And what will make this the Christmas your dog will always remember? Just think about whatever you’re constantly yelling at him for, and go with it. Let him dive into the kitchen trash, just this once. It’s free, and there’s nothing money can buy that he would enjoy more.
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