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Free-Falling to End Bullying in 2012--Courtesy of Atypical Author Jesse Saperstein

We're so proud of Perigee author Jesse Saperstein, author of Atypical -- and now creator of this new anti-bullying video. Whether he's writing, speaking, or skydiving, he is always fearless, generous, and inspiring. Go, Jesse!

 

Chris St. Hilaire – Don’t be afraid of the silence | Smart Business

Chris St. Hilaire – Don’t be afraid of the silence | Smart Business.

This article was originally published on http://www.sbnonline.com.

by Chris St. Hilaire

Imagine you had a secret power that could calm frazzled colleagues, foster teamwork and help you manage conflict. Not only would this power be versatile, it would also be invisible. To ignite this power, you would merely need to do … nothing.

That’s the power of silence.

The best politicians know all about silence; just watch them being interviewed. Notice how they pause after a difficult question, appear to think about it, and then finally give an answer. That pause makes the audience believe that the politician listens to others and thinks very carefully before responding. As a longtime political consultant, I can assure you that seasoned politicians have been briefed on every possible question and have prepared their answers well in advance. They’re using silence to create a specific effect.

Communication pros, such as salespeople, reporters and trial attorneys, all consider silence to be one of their most effective tools, as I explain in my book, “27 Powers of Persuasion.” Here are six ways silence can help you communicate, negotiate, mediate or persuade. And the power of silence works not only with colleagues but also with your friends and family.

Use silence to build consensus for your idea

If you’re presenting a plan to a group, chances are you already know what some of their objections might be. Rather than blurt out an instant response, take a page from the politician’s book. Listen. Pause for a moment. Then say, “That’s a good point. What if we handle it this way …” When others feel heard, they are much more likely to listen to you in return.

Use silence to get a better answer

Reporters never settle for the first answer they get from an interviewee. If you’re interviewing a potential hire, inquiring about a plan of action or otherwise trying to ascertain reliable information, let the person respond to your question, then wait. Don’t say anything. They will fill in the silence with a more complete answer. If you then murmur something vaguely encouraging — for instance, nod and say, “Hmmm” — they will dig even deeper. Many reporters believe that the third answer is the most revealing and valuable.

Use silence to gain advantage in an argument

When you’re having a disagreement, the natural tendency is to respond to an attack. Instead, nod and say nothing. Ninety percent of the time, the other person will moderate his or her own position.

Use silence to negotiate

Car salesmen do it all the time. You make an offer on a car. He frowns and says nothing. The silence builds. Finally, you can’t stand it any longer and say, “Maybe I could go a little higher.” You’ve just increased your own bid. In any negotiation, the first one to speak after an offer loses.

Use silence to regain control of a conversation

If someone else is dominating a discussion, wait until he or she is done, then pause for a few seconds before you say your piece. Silence always feels longer to the person who has just been speaking, so if you wait, a subtle advantage swings your way.

Use silence to buy time while appearing thoughtful

In the midst of a conversation, you may need a few seconds to think. When that happens, gaze down and take the time you need. Our research has shown that when people look downward, they are perceived to be thoughtful and intelligent. When they gaze upward, they look like they’re searching in the air for answers.

The other side of silence is knowing how to interpret it. In general, don’t assume that the silence is a bad sign and don’t take it personally. There could be many reasons why a room is quiet after your presentation. The audience could be confused or bored, but they could also be completely satisfied. When it happens to me, I like to say, “Judging from the silence, I must have covered this topic brilliantly.” The line always gets a laugh, and sometimes it’s even true.

Chris St. Hilaire is the author (with Lynette Padwa) of “27 Powers of Persuasion: Simple Strategies to Seduce Audiences and Win Allies” (Prentice Hall Press). He is an award-winning message strategist who has developed communications programs for some of the nation’s most powerful corporations, legal teams and politicians.

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One of the Evils of the Modern World

Posted by John Duff

I hadn’t meant for this first blog of 2012 to be about New Year resolutions but Art Markman’s interview with USA Today (for publication of his book, Smart Thinking), nudged me in that direction since it focused on one of my own issues, multitasking, that he calls “one of the evils of the modern world.”

It seems to me that many people in the publishing industry multitask by default. We aren’t unique, but we do juggle many different aspects of our jobs and have to respond to a stream of demands from different quarters simultaneously. The process of bringing an author’s work to fruition is not assembly line work in spite of the fact that we have, here at Penguin, what is called a “critical path” – a month-by-month timeline that details every aspect from acquisition and editing to production and distribution of a book.  But like all assembly-line processes, it doesn’t take much to turn it into an episode from “I Love Lucy.”

What Art so cogently and clearly presents in his book is an alternative. “Rather than multitask,” he continues, “I think we need to prioritize.” But the challenge for most of us is finding the discipline to set those priorities while maintaining the flexibility to respond to the unexpected. 

As Art sees it, multitasking prevents us from acquiring and using high quality knowledge to get things done. For instance, he says, “We go to meetings and we’re supposed to learn something from them…” but far too often we are either sneaking peeks at our e-mail during the meeting or whip out the smart phone when we are barely out of our seats. In the former case, we are simply not absorbing what we need to from what’s taking place in front of us and, in the latter, we are leaving what we remember about the meeting completely up to chance since our minds have become immediately focused on something else.

But rather than eschew multitasking completely – or even resolving to do so – I’ll take one piece of advice from Art and take just 90 seconds after a meeting to review (or note) the key points that I want and need to remember. I’ll try that for a week and see how it works. It may just become one of those beneficial habits that makes getting things done so much easier.

And next week I’ll turn off my Email Alert so I’m not distracted every time a new message arrives!

 

Art Markman's Smart Thinking is available now.